Ironman Triathlons & Crazy Talk

Have you ever had a close friend in your life who brings out the crazy in you? Not the bad kind, like stalker-ex, end up on Jerry Springer, kind of crazy. Rather, that friend who knows you so well, that when you’re both together, you seem to always find a little mischief. The fun kind of crazy.

Triathlon brings out my crazy.

Why else would anyone squeeze into spandex and spend hours training at all costs, just for a few race freebies and shiny finishers’ medals? Crazy.

Why do people put themselves through the rigor, even suffering of it all for such an all-consuming hobby? When did I become one of the crazies?

The first time I crossed a finish line.

Racing is my reminder to dream big.

Every time I physically go a distance so much farther than I ever thought I could go, I feel like I can do anything. Maybe that’s not so crazy?

As a chunky kid with two left feet who was cut from every sport before the age of ten, who is now an endurance athlete racing ironman triathlons for fun, I can tell you, the self-limiting beliefs we impose on ourselves, that’s what is really crazy.

The self-limiting beliefs we impose on ourselves, that’s the real crazy.

Self-limiting beliefs are a dangerous trap that do nothing more than limit our own potential, while ripping us off of the magic that happens once we push past our own comfort zones. Self-limiting beliefs can sound an awful lot like reasons or pragmatic thinking, but let me tell you what dear friends, your self-limiting beliefs aren’t severing you.

Self-limiting beliefs like to hang out with the ‘ould’ words and they love qualifiers that start with “but”. You know these words all too well.

• “I should have gone back to college when I was younger.”
• “I could have been an artist, but I went into business because no one makes a living as an artist.”
• “I’ve always wanted to [x], but….”

Self-limiting beliefs are a one way ticket to playing small. Instead, ask yourself, what would I do if anything were possible?

Seriously. If anything were possible what would you do? (Hint: write it down.)

Seem too crazy? How could you get one step closer to what you wrote down? (Write that down too.)

Come on now.

Name one person (doesn’t have to be someone you know) who is already doing your crazy idea.

What one thing could you commit to learning that would help you with your crazy idea? One thing. Write that down too.

If you wrote down your answers to those four questions, you now have a to do list.

Time to get crazy!

Adopting a Yogi Mentality

Yogi’s don’t just do yoga. They take on a practice. To become good at yoga (or anything really) takes a significant commitment.  When we develop a practice, our commitment takes on a life of its own. Only through the physical, mental, and spiritual trial and error in our endeavors, do we begin to embody our practice.

Inherent within the idea of developing a practice is so much juicy goodness: commitment, mindfulness, improvement, balance, growth. Fulfillment. Getting better at something just plain feels good.

I like the idea of practice.

Practice, as a way of being, gives us a soft way of experimenting. Permission to try, fail, and repeat, driven by larger commitments. Always improving, even if only in the smallest way; practice is permission to play.

Within the yogi mindset, is another concept I love. “Mantras.”

Mantras, are an ancient philosophy (a Sanskrit word really) that a group of words uttered together can have a physiological, even spiritual power. Derived from the roots, “man” and “sound,” when literally translated mean using sound vibrations to channel our minds. (Ohm – Ω)

Mantras help me stay grounded by narrowing my focus to my practices.

When I remind myself that I am a writer, I find the time to practice my writing. When I feel resistance to practicing for triathlon (i.e. my training), I ask myself, what would a champion do? And it’s that much easier to lace up my run sneakers. If I feel myself becoming stressed, I take a few deep breaths and remind myself of my mantra that I am peace.

Where in your life can you borrow a frame of mind from our yogi friends?

What dreams are growing in your heart that deserves a focused effort?

Develop a mantra that feels good, and never be afraid to practice.

Bambi Legs – Taking it Easy & Trying Again

It’s time. Renewed energy. Increased focus. A familiar desire.

 

You know the feeling.  And, all of the old adages. “Dust yourself off, and try again.”  Or, “if at first you don’t succeed..  ” For you, that could mean reentering the dating scene. (Gasp!) For someone else, it’s time to polish off the old resume, or register for one more class towards a degree, again. For me, it’s the pursuit of publishing for my first manuscript. (Oh, that old thing.) Yup.

 

Last summer got off to a great start. My first writer’s conference, publisher’s pitches, and even four requests for my whole manuscript.   Four rejection notices and eight months later, I lost my writing focus.

 

Good news. It’s time to try again.

 

The tricky part is that my legs are shaky.  It’s scary shit. I’m learning about a new industry (publishing), while trying on a new language (who I am as a writer), and I need to talk about something that has been my deepest, darkest secret, for fifteen years (that who I am today, was largely shaped by my time as an Adult Entertainer). Eek! Awkward.

 

I call this stage I’m in, and similarly, any new life stage that makes us feel unsteady, aka vulnerable: Bambi legs.

 

To step into unfamiliar territory makes our footing unstable.

 

Why? Because new is unfamiliar and uncomfortable.

 

New, means feeling like a child all over again.

 

New uncertainty is uncomfortable. Like, ripping off a Band-aid to expose the raw, tender, new flesh underneath, uncomfortable.

 

We have to try on a new way of being for a while before our footing feels solid, and we can find our strength.  It’s like, when a sailor has to get used to the movement of a ship to develop sea legs. Or, when Bambi, (yes, the cartoon character) has learned to walk, but he steps out onto ice for the first time. Bambi’s legs give out. He slides across the pond. Bambi legs.

 

The first time you go to a bar, single, after ending a long term relationship. The first few weeks after a job change, or getting laid off.  Your children go off to college, and you are alone in your quiet house. Bambi legs.

 

You wouldn’t expect a toddler just learning to walk to run a marathon. Yet, we expect ourselves to soar right out of the gate. Even, when something is brand new. (Guilty as changed.)

 

I believe when things are new, kindness is key. We must be kind to each other, and that starts with being kind to ourselves. Since the publishing world is new for me, I’m trying on a few things to make it easier on myself. (Ah, kindness.)

 

1. I’ve committed to talking about my manuscript (i.e. practicing this new dialogue) with friends and former colleagues every week.
2. I’m trying on a new perspective. If who I was, was a professional writer, what would that look like?  This means looking at building a foundation, like a business plan, that looks at branding, online presence, building an audience, a content strategy & calendar, and on and on.. So far it’s just a really long word doc, but it feels good. (Progress.)
3. (Go big, or go home.) I’ve registered for Writers Digest, Writer’s Conference & Pitch Slam in NYC in August.

 

I’m reminding myself that it’s ok to ask for help. I don’t have to do this alone. (I always forget that asking for help is not only ok, but empowers others to be of service.)

 

The publishing path is a long hard road. It may never come to fruition. For now, that doesn’t matter. Being back in action feels good.

 

Is there something new you’ve been putting off because, you know… awkward? Have a friend or colleague going through big life change? Remember Bambi legs, and find a way to take baby steps. And always start with kindness.

 

A WONDERFUL REMINDER TO BE PATIENT, AND ENJOY THE RIDE

Ever want something so badly you obsess over it? Not, a sparkly new dress, or super lightweight runners. I mean, something less tangible. Something deeper. Like, if I could just figure out, “X,” everything would fall into place.  For some of us, “X” is money. Others crave love.

My quest has been career related. It started sometime around job layoff #1, and became infinitely more clear by job layoff #4. I decided to create a passion, purpose driven career.

Rather than continuing to chase career goals driven by extrinsic reward (title, money, power), I committed to bringing intrinsic drivers whispering in my heart to the forefront of my life in a big way. I created a new career-life-goal to tap into my natural gifts, and to be of service to others.

Sounds great, right?

Well, nearly four years later, after engrossing myself in learning, and self-assessments, and reading, and… and… and…. I’m still in a j-o-b, and IT hasn’t happened FAST enough. And you know what, I began obsessing, without even realizing it.

I had been putting so much pressure on myself that my well-intentioned inspiration had become a problem. A problem, I needed to fix. Like a dark cloud, permeating across my life, the more I worked on IT, the more I became stuck, weighed down, and the less I was truly able to be present with just how magical life already is, as-is. Yuck!

Am I giving up this quest? No, absolutely not. Instead, I now realize, I was trying to force something that will come in its due time. (I was obsessing.)

My job in the meantime, is to remember a few things.

3 Things to Remember When Chasing Big Dreams 

• Everyday is a new opportunity to breathe life into our desires.
• Big dreams are great, but minimizing our small wins along the way is tragic.
• Trust that the magical combination of openness, preparedness, and timing will come together in its due time.

Next time you feel yourself putting on the pressure of, “I just need to figure S**T out.” Stop, breath, and remember to be kind to yourself. Life’s a lot more fun when you’re patient, and can enjoy the ride.

Not sure you can take my word for it?

Try on this perspective, one of my favorite quotes from THE CHARGE by Brendon Burchard:

 “What if simply living your truth, being your best, and fully expressing your strengths, talents and abilities at whatever you do were enough to contribute to our world? ? I say it is, and we must not overlook the fact that being our best ultimately inspires others and can and does indeed make an impact.”

Peeling Back Another Layer & Taking the Next Step

When I started, Hanging up My Heels – The True Story of How Stripping Saved My Life, I sent out to tell my story. My real story, whatever that meant. I didn’t think about it much. Instead, I wrote. Well, after crafting a detailed, outline, in chronological order of course. After all, I’m a plotter.

In just over six months, I threw up a 187,000 word first draft. Blah – literary vomit, but I got it out. Days turned into weeks, months, and now, four drafts and nearly three years later, the story I have is getting better, but it’s still pretty surface level.

A coming of age story. College dropout turned stripper, finds her voice and cultivates an early interest in business behind closed doors of America’s greatest strip clubs.  Interesting, ok. It’s got sex appeal. I’m authentic and vulnerable in sharing my growth – great. I translated my lessons learned in stripperville to success in business, personal fulfillment, and even a smidge of life purpose; that leaves my book on good moral ground as well – getting better.

However, who I am and the message I have to share is so more than the surface level, headline grabbing, cheap shot topic of adult entertainment.

My truth, hidden one layer deeper, is that as a stripper I learned to set personal boundaries. Within the world of adult entertainment, for the first time in my adolescent life, I found safety from sexual predators. Stripping, I found my, “no,” with such conviction, no one could hurt me, in that way, anymore.

As I dancer, I found complete control of what I did and didn’t do with my body.

I grew up with a tattered thread of self-esteem, and major gaps in my ability to set boundaries. If I didn’t know or like you, boundaries were easy. Stranger-danger engrained in my brain since I was five years old. What I hadn’t learned, was how to stop unwanted sexual advances from that next sphere of influence: people I knew and trusted. The more I knew, trusted, or even liked someone, the less I was able to stand up for myself.

For over a decade, I lived in a world where all too often my attempts at making friends turned ugly. It felt like, whenever I trusted anyone, at some point boundaries were crossed, and I was powerless. Boys, girls, friends, mentors, teachers, couples; if I let my guard down, I got myself into situations I couldn’t handle, and was forced to pay the ultimate price.

The outcome, always the same, sharing my body in a way no one should have to sacrifice while suffering in silence.

The day I stepped on stage that all changed. My body, my rules. Instant boundaries with the support of reinforcements. If customers ever crossed the line, one wave of my arm in the air signaled help, and a litany of club bouncers charged to my rescue to support my position.

Overtime, I found great power in learning to set boundaries, while experiencing great pain when I faltered.

Today, as I revisit my story for the first time in four months, I believe my message has the ability to transcend the confines of its setting, and with that have a new working title: My Body, My Rules – From the Safety of the Stage.

Peeling Back Another Layer & Taking the Next Step

When I started, Hanging up My Heels – The True Story of How Stripping Saved My Life, I sent out to tell my story. My real story, whatever that meant. I didn’t think about it much. Instead, I wrote. Well, after crafting a detailed, outline, in chronological order of course. After all, I’m a plotter.

In just over six months, I threw up a 187,000 word first draft. Blah – literary vomit, but I got it out. Days turned into weeks, months, and now, four drafts and nearly three years later, the story I have is getting better, but it’s still pretty surface level.

A coming of age story. College dropout turned stripper, finds her voice and cultivates an early interest in business behind closed doors of America’s greatest strip clubs.  Interesting, ok. It’s got sex appeal. I’m authentic and vulnerable in sharing my growth – great. I translated my lessons learned in stripperville to success in business, personal fulfillment, and even a smidge of life purpose; that leaves my book on good moral ground as well – getting better.

However, who I am and the message I have to share is so more than the surface level, headline grabbing, cheap shot topic of adult entertainment.

My truth, hidden one layer deeper, is that as a stripper I learned to set personal boundaries. Within the world of adult entertainment, for the first time in my adolescent life, I found safety from sexual predators.  Stripping, I found my, “no,” with such conviction, no one could hurt me, in that way, anymore.

As I dancer, I found complete control of what I did and didn’t do with my body.

I grew up with a tattered thread of self-esteem, and major gaps in my ability to set boundaries. If I didn’t know or like you, boundaries were easy. Stranger-danger engrained in my brain since I was five years old. What I hadn’t learned, was how to stop unwanted sexual advances from that next sphere of influence: people I knew and trusted. The more I knew, trusted, or even liked someone, the less I was able to stand up for myself.

For over a decade, I lived in a world where all too often my attempts at making friends turned ugly. It felt like, whenever I trusted anyone, at some point boundaries were crossed, and I was powerless. Boys, girls, friends, mentors, teachers, couples; if I let my guard down, I got myself into situations I couldn’t handle, and was forced to pay the ultimate price.

The outcome, always the same, sharing my body in a way no one should have to sacrifice while suffering in silence.

The day I stepped on stage that all changed. My body, my rules. Instant boundaries with the support of reinforcements. If customers ever crossed the line, one wave of my arm in the air signaled help, and a litany of club bounders charged to my rescue to support my position.

Overtime, I found great power in learning to set boundaries, while experiencing great pain when I faltered.

Today, as I revisit my story for the first time in four months, I believe my message has the ability to transcend the confines of its strip club setting, and with that have a new working title: My Body, My Rules – From the Safety of the Stage.

5cent Lemonade, 30Buck Panties and Letting Your Spirit Shine

Next Step Stories

Summertime in Vegas is known for sweltering heat. With three digit temps and a wind that feels like a hairdryer on high when it hits your face, you don’t know HOT until you’ve lived in the desert. Yet, last week, two kids, a brother and sister, my neighbors actually, set up shop selling lemonade and cookies. It reminded me of my own childhood.

Was there something you did as a kid that still shows up in your life? Maybe you were the kid always taking things apart and today tinkering in some way is part of your career? Perhaps you were more of a Barbie girl who loved dress-up, and today shopping is your hobby?

I was a lemonade stand kid.

Well, to be honest, I hocked more than lemonade. I sold anything I could. Mom helped me prop her folding-card-table with wobbly legs and a rainbow umbrella up in…

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One of The Souls behind my Texas IM- Reg Buckman, And theories on 140.6 PERSONA

At times, it can be difficult to capture the essence of what drives one to take on the person journey of 140.6 mile endurance race.

For…. [fill in the blank] For fun? For the challenge? To prove something, or to remember someone, perhaps to inspire others?

Some words from the spirit who stirs that calling in so many others. My friend, my coach, my inspiration; Kona bound Athlete: Nancy Dickinson.

Corehore Fitness: Strength from the INSIDE out.

Texas Ironman 2015. Those 16 letters/numerals laid out in that particular order will never serve as simple phonemes to me anymore. Just a ‘race back in the day’, it is not.
Similar to many long course triathletes, I had endless non-athletic variables attached to my race- family catastrophe, self-efficacy, pride, ego, death, life, Kona, and many other ridiculous emotions that proverbially paved the road on my ‘course’. The ‘race jitters’ had nothing on what made up the real foundation beneath my lats, wheel, and feet. I was metaphorically and even physically carried over 140.6; by something MUCH larger and more profound than just the idea of conquering a distance made up by a super corporation.

…..and I was far from the only one….

My client and now much respected comrade, Reg Buckman, had a huge bill for Ironman to pick up. His course was answering to a LOT. In 2013…

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It’s Time to Tell Your Story

Everyone has a story that deserves to be told.

In today’s age where content is king, and legacies live on forever, if you aren’t sharing yourself with audiences digitally, you’re missing out on the world’s most consumed media channels.

Our world has never seen so many lifestyle entrepreneurs with blogging mommies, freelancing Gen-Yers and granny next door hocking her wares via Etsy, Amazon and eBay.  The internet brings resources and tools once only available to corporations with deep pockets into our living rooms for little or no cost.

Gone are the days of paper resumes and solid barriers between work and personal life. Employers connect with people via LinkedIn and HR professionals search your Facebook page.  Marketers are expected to have their own personal brand, and more and more c-suite executives are hired for their perceived expertise.

But how does one become an expert?

That’s debatable.  Not long ago, experts were measured primarily on years of tenure in their field. Publishing was relegated to academia and a minute select few. Those days are gone.

Today, with the proliferation of self-publishing, and thanks to the explosion of free blogging sites, anyone can publish content. I believe establishing yourself as an expert has never been easier.

We’re experiencing an explosion in the Expert Industry with more people earning a living and helping others by packaging up their message to become motivational speakers, published authors and seminar leaders.

[Now comes the fun part.]

If you’ve been in the same industry for several years, or even if you’re just starting your career in an emerging field, the knowledge, skills and practical experience you have is likely more than at least 95% of the population.  If you’re further along in your career and are looking to get to that next level, having published works can set you apart from your competitors.

It’s easy and for those who have the time to invest, you can do it yourself.

However, if you are like many busy professionals who have more to do than hours in the day, perhaps it’s time to invest in content creation via a ghostwriter.

A ghostwriter can help you package and share your stories with the world. When you share your stories you not only build credibility for your point of view, but you have an opportunity to help others, while building a digit footprint of your legacy.

Perhaps you have a point of view about your field that would benefit others and establish yourself as an expert? Likely there are things you say, perspectives you share on a regular basis?

This can be the start of your message.

Have you taken a nontraditional path yet found your stride?  Maybe you’re the person people come to for ideas, support or problem solving: all of these skill-sets are incredibly valuable and should be shared.

I believe, as human beings everyone is born with a gift(s). Also that in receiving a gift(s) we have a responsibility to use, to the best of our ability, our gifts. And not just for ourselves, but for the good of others.

When you’re ready, I’m here to help you craft your message. It’s time to tell your story.

*****

Jaime Konzelman is a published author and memoirist. Inspired to share her own person journey in the hopes of being of service to others, she sheds light into a world few experience first-hand, and even fewer escape unscathed.  [More on that later.] In finding the courage to share her own story, Jaime became inspired to help others do the same. Whether small or grand, everyone has a worth telling. Jaime is here to help you tell your story, when you are ready. Someone somewhere is searching for a silver lining, and quite possibly the message in your story can be that light.

Finding My Element Someplace Along The Florida Keys

For all of the moments spent not fully present, moments I rush through or blow past in search of another
Whether it’s not the right job or it’s not the right time… even I’m not enough
So I daydream of something, maybe greater than now
More of whatever, the reaching never ends
That someday I’m rushing to, to get someplace better
Endless longing for other- for vacation or family or riches or self
When this is my moment, a time like no other
To live for that someday when now is how it comes
Means doing it backwards, a chase with no end
I’m crafting a message for a new game to play in living my story in one form or another and finding my element … one adventure at a time